Pre-Election Post

Tonight I've been reading up on the issues for the election tomorrow. I think I have everything figured out, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to go back and carve out a poop sheet I could sneak into the booth with me. Because I need my rest to make an informed decision tomorrow morning, I will keep tonight's post short and hit the hay early. I advise all of you to do the same, unless you voted early, which to me just doesn't make any sense. I can't even really explain why, but early voting infuriates me to no end. I've lost friends over it. No joke.

If I can afford a few pieces of advice for this election, I would recommend against voting Libertarian or Constitution Party. Those guys are a little too radical for me. While you're at it, stay away from the Democrats and the Republicans too. Independents -- go for it. Light that shit up. Oh, and the Greens. They're cool. Vote Green Party too.

I'll leave you all with this anecdote, not terribly unrelated to the grand task that we all face tomorrow (unless you voted early -- I-I just don't get it).

A few weeks ago, I had this dream about Halloween. Now, I should say that I try not to write about dreams -- or rather, I try not to publish writings on my dreams. There are too many ways to read into it, plus I feel so much is lost from the actual experience of dreaming that the piece just falls flat. This one though, is funny, and there aren't a whole lot of ways to psychoanalyze it.

I am attending a Halloween party as independent vice presidential candidate Matt Gonzalez. My wing man at this party is Ralph Nader. Not a friend of mine going as Ralph Nader, but Ralph Nader himself. Going to a Halloween party as Ralph Nader. I think this aspect stays fairly true to life, as I can't image Ralph wasting time on a costume. He has bigger fish to fry.

Ralph and I walk into a room, somewhat dorm-like, with a futon on one side and a lofted bed on the other. Ralph finds some space on the futon between co-eds: to his left, a sexy angel and a sexy nurse; to his right, a ghostbuster. He appears very tired and I can see he doesn't plan on being very social tonight. Rather, he'd just like to rest a bit on the couch. I make my way over to the keg in the corner, fill up a beer for myself. None for Ralph though. He's not drinking tonight.

As all the futon space is occupied, I climb on top of the lofted bed, rest my feet on the ladder. I realize I don't know anyone at the party and in much a dreamlike fashion wonder what it is I'm doing here.

Someone standing in the corner, a greaser, yells up at me: 'Hey who are you supposed to be?'

'I'm Matt Gonzalez,' I say, 'Ralph Nader's running mate.'

'Oh yeah? How do feel about Afghanistan, Matt?' He lets out a deep laugh and most everyone else follows suit.

After it subsides I say, 'Well, why don't you ask Ralph Nader?'

As if poked by a cattle prod, Ralph sits bolt upright, begins gesticulating wildly. 'The criminal war in Afghanistan is unconstitutional and should be aborted at all costs. Nader/Gonzalez -- and you can read all about this on our web site, votenader.org -- advocates a six month withdrawal of our troops and increased humanitarian aid and U.N. sanctioned elections.'

The room grew quiet. Ralph was just getting warmed up.

* * *

I hope Ralph still has some gas left in the tank after this election. I'd like to think he is still getting warmed up.