The Shelia-5: MIA

As I walked to work yesterday and passed the spot where my car normally sits, I noticed an odd vacancy. Someone had stolen my oft broken-down and underappreciated late '80s sedan. Shelia stuck out like a sore thumb in the more elitist realms of Cleveland Heights, and I think she may have been the target of a kidnapping. Or some kids decided to go on a joy ride and knew that an old Chevy would be easier to break into than the dozens of Passats that line the street.

Either way, she's gone. Immediately, I felt a great weight lift from my shoulders. With increasing frequency, Shelia has been described as an albatross. Over the year that she's been in my possession, she's been out of commission longer than she's been running. Oh well.

Shelia will be missed. . .but I'm sure she felt gratified to have been stolen.

Finally, someone appreciates me!

I was lighthearted with the cop who took my report. She said stolen vehicles usually turn up in parking lots with an empty tank of gas. I said I'd be surprised if it made it a full tank without breaking down. I also told her to keep an ear out, as the car's lack of muffler resulted in a very abrasive engine drone. She asked me if there was anything of value in the car.

--Uh, tape deck, some tapes, Credence tapes, uh, my briefcase.

-And what was in the briefcase?

--Papers, business papers, my business papers.

-And what business are you in, Mr. deBiase?

--I'm unemployed.

I'd like to think that Shelia, regardless of her situation, is in a better place. Maybe her new owners are cleaning her up, patching up those rust holes, replacing the muffler, vacuuming the velour, changing the oil. I only hope they leave the NPR presets on the AM/FM radio.

R.I.P
The Shelia-5
1987 - 2007
The albatross flies high once more.