Thursday, November 08, 2007


Eight days and five posts into NaBloPoMo, and I can say that I’m feeling it. I’m hitting my stride. You hear that KateSpace? I can blog all month! Whoo-ee, look at me bloggin’! I can’t believe there was a time in my life when I wasn’t blogging every day.

Feels like this posting war between Kate and I is really starting to heat up. At the end of the month, we should figure out our word counts, and whoever has the greater number gets a delicious delicious chipotle burrito. Hold the corn salsa, please; easy on the sour cream. I mean SoCre. Easy on the SoCre. I’m trying harder to abbreviate words this month. ‘Delicious delicious’ is now ‘DelDel’ and will eventually become (keeping in mind economies of scale and so forth) ‘DeDe.’

By the end of NaBloPoMo, the sentence ‘I’d love some delicious delicious chipotle burrito.’ will actually be written ‘d+<3=DeDeChiBo.’

That was part of a class I’m teaching next spring at North East Cleveland State Technical College (‘Technically, we’re not a college’): PostModern Linguistics in Economies of Scale. The sentence above is actually an exercise in the ‘PoMoTexMes’ (‘PostModern Text Messaging’) section. Seats are still available.


Did you see that Kate? Like 200 words, right there. And I wasn’t even trying!


That was one-and-a-half more words!

Our blogs do not need new posts; they do not need more content, no; they need more COMPETITION!


I’m here to make NaBloPoMo really effing count.

I want you to strive to write more words than me, Kate.

I want to be competitive in every single thing I do.

I want to win.


I’ve been coming up with competitions for quite a while. I’ve become obsessed with NaBloPoMo (Can’t stop linking!) to the point of creating a spin-off monthly regimen called NaBeGroMo -- National Beard Growing Month. Also occurring over November, NaBeGroMo is an excuse for men to be at their most manly. Come December, I want to look like the OxyClean Guy, or at least the Brawny Guy.

At eight days growth, I think I’m showing progress.


Anyone is free to join. If you know me personally, you are already involved, through the Inclusion Method. I’ll explain more about the Inclusion Method later this month.


Some other pending/completed competitions:

-- The 125m dash: Me vs. J-dubbs (my roommate). Originally this was to be a 200m dash, but no one in attendance could decipher the lines on the track. As a result, the distance was (gu)estimated. I came away the victor after Jeremy slipped on a banana peel and pulled a groin. Ironically, it was from the very banana he had eaten during his warm-up lap.

-- The Beard-off: Me vs. Thed (other roommate). This was a precursor to NaBeGroMo and started inadvertently when both of our respective special lady friends ask that we grow beards. After about two weeks, we asked each other about the disheveled appearances, only to discover that our face hairs had been secretly dueling. The race was on. Scratch that: the fight was on. A knife fight. With hair. It was exactly like a knife fight. The fight ended when my face got real itchy and my special lady friend said she had no preference over beard vs. no-beard. No-beard won, which means I lost. But this paved the way for NaBeGroMo, so I can’t complain. You know me.

-- Free-style swim across Lake Erie: Me vs. Mike Sokol: This competition is still in the preliminary stages, as I’m still learning how to swim (M.Sokol, on the other hand, has shattered records back in Pittsburgh), but once I learn, look out Mike! I figure I can take a break once I make it to the breaker, then Canada is only a short ways away. Does Power Gel work in water? I hope so.

-- Victory Cigars: Me and Charles Parsons vs. Kent State: This wasn’t so much a competition as it was a premature celebration. One week into our last semester of college, Parsons and I smoked victory cigars because ‘we’d won.’ That last semester turned out to be a lot longer than we thought. We had peaked a little early. The jury, I think, is still out on this one in terms of whether it was a win or a loss. I still say that we won; Charlie disagrees. And so it goes.


Ka-plow! 750 words. You are so done Kate. DeDeChiBo for me!


katherine said...

oh. oh, buddy. you just wait until tonight, kid, you WAIT UNTIL TONIGHT WHEN I WILL WHOMP YOUR ASS AND SEND IT CRYING ALL THE WAY BACK HOME TO RURAL PENNSYLVANIA. your momma won't even understand why you're crying for a de-de-chi-bo, but she's sure gonna feel embarassed for you.

KATE WILL WIN. why? because kate needs to. you think you're competitive? i LAUGH in the face of your pathetic competitions! they are the competitions of boys, not men! ha! ha! and ha once more!

ok, i have to go to work now.

katherine said...

crap, i just remembered that your mom moved to florida. EVEN MORE EMBARASSING! you will have to go all the way to florida to get this competition illegally fixed in your favor! no one in the real united states would allow you to win, only in flordia! yeesss! i win, my insults are more punshing!

MikeS said...

I really, really like the "It was exactly like a knife fight" picture. A couple of monkeys with swords jumping around and fighting while other monkeys in suits stand and watch in dumbfounded silence. The quote just adds the icing on the cake.

PS - I'm prepping for our Lake Erie swim by having gills added onto my body. You're definitely shit outta luck, now. You better sprout a propeller out of your ass if you want to win.

アレックス said...

Brawny guy = FOXY

Charles said...

Listen, I shaved off my beard several days ago and I'm letting it grow in again. So . . . I'm in that one.
As far as "we win!" is concerned, that sort of "winning" is like a fine wine or a good cigar and must be judged over time. Did we 'win' might take several decades to determine.

theodore said...

i'd like to think you guys lost the battle, but won the war.