Imaginary bands I’ve been in over the years

Fatal Sloth (2000-05) – This was my high school band, started when I was in tenth grade. The band saw many member changes over the years, but persisted into my third year of college. The final set-up saw a drummer-bassist tandem (with G. Bigler of Drifting Imagination), much like Death from Above or Lightning Bolt.

The Cysts (2005-06) – This 4-piece (guitar, bass, vocalist, drummer) punk rock band came on the scene shortly after Fatal Sloth broke up in early 2005. The name derived from a friend of the band who had recently underwent an operation to remove an ovarian cyst. The initial plans were to release an abrasive, in-your-face EP and immediately start a feud with The Hives. The band, already having garnered Akron (eh, Kent) street cred, would step into the limelight. The band disintegrated after failing to develop beyond their single “Love is Such A Drag (Especially When You’re Solo),” which is still wildly popular in some underground music circles.

The Skeleton Keys (late 2005) – This was the closest I came to being in a real band, as my college friend Andy and I got together for two practices in late 2005. I played, as always, the Omnichord – a synth-organ-harpsichord-beatbox – and Andy played the keyboard. We had grand ambitions to play shows at Kent’s Electric Community Center, now deceased. But, as it what often happens with college bands, we broke up to focus on our majors: graphic design (Andy) and scratch-off lottery tickets (myself).

The Go Go Gadgets (2006-pres) – This is more of a musical collective than a regular group, in the spirit of Broken Social Scene. Hovering in the neighborhood of 25 members, this group features a choir of hand clappers and – naturally – a cute indie girl playing the xylophone and/or flute. Every member also has a Polaroid camera to document live shows. These images will later be pasted onto a mural-sized collage to accompany them on the world-tour.

Pier Pressure (2007-pres) – This is the first direct side project of the Gadgets: a ten- to twelve-piece concept art rock band based on maritime shipbuilding. Theatrics play into their live show as much as the music does, as the members act out major naval battles onstage. They also perform a staggering rendition of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” Once the thaw comes, the group plans to play their first outdoor show on the Lake Erie breaker.

The Mitten Project (2008-pres) – This band name came about as a misunderstanding by rockitecture.’s Thed Ferringer. I thought he said ‘The Mitten Project,’ when he had, in fact, said something else. And the band was born. As the name suggests, this twee band focuses on the kinder and gentler aspects of life. Things like marriage, children, cross-over SUVs, suburban living, big box retailers, etc. Thed was promptly replaced by my special lady friend Alex, who will play either the acoustic or bass guitar. I, of course, man the Omnichord. We plan to buy a kitten to take with us on the road. It will play with balls of yarn on stage. A child (not ours) may or may not accompany us as well. (Band is pictured below.)